& The last good-bye ♥

Tuesday, May 29

E phone call ended everything. After he said "byebye", he hang up and me? was too speechless.. I didnt know what to do just keep on holding e phone. Controlled my tears cos daddy was infront of me..

Just yesterday, he gave me e last chance but I've to abid to his rules that IM not allowed to go anywhere w/o him n also not to contact kai anymore. It was a damm tough decision but until early morning, I agreed to him. Cos I know I love him...

But today, e sms from him is so different. The way he msg and e tone of his voice. I feel that he've changed.. suddenly I feel fear.. i dont know y.. just dislike it when my bf talks to me like that... esp e part when he asked me will I contact kai again. Of cos I can give kai up.. 1mth of friendship compared to 3mths of r/s... but I didnt answered him...its e voice.. I feel so fearful... I think he changed even though he cliams that e feelings is still e same but just e trust...

w/o trust.. its diff to maintain a r/s.. if he dont trust me, how can he still love me like b4.. i cant stand e tots of him giving me a chance n who knows, maybe mths later, he found smeone better n may leave me cos of her..

I know im too sensitive but my thoughst cant be controlled. If i cant guranteed to have him for life, Id rather let go.. 3mths rs is not long.. he'll get over me soon and go with someone who isnt playful, who doesnt lies, who doesnt have tons of guy friends, who can cook.. blah blah blah

n now @ this moment, im starting to think again... very soon, a new girl will take over me.. e girl will slp on his bed.. hug e star star I always love to hug.. will get his hugs and kisses, his love.. his care..

fuck.. all e thoughts is making me worse now... n ya very soon he'll go clubbing with his friends.. know more girls, get high, get drunk.. get touchy.. fuck lah..

im selfish, but I really hope he doesnt forget me that soon.. i may be bad n always telling lies, but do rem that Im always true to u.. u're e 1st i wanted my parents to meet so much.. e 1st that I wan to stay over @ ur hse..

n pls dont hate me.. just take it as we have diff views n our characters r too much difference..

suddenly my mind is blank.. so much I wanted to say.. but whats e use now..


Always my favourite..
Goodbye..
Yours Turly, Niko 10:07 PM ♥