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Saturday, May 12

His last sentence to me "u got all the time u need till dawn" and its 3.25am already. Im messed up like fucked and I really cant think. The msn chat with Jace, sms with Farhan and even phonechat with kai, all advising me what to do, but I just cant think straight.

He doesnt understand me. I think I wont understand him too. A guy and girl have different views. In certain times, I know im unreasonable but I wish he bothers to talk to me more, find out how im dng etc.

Stressed up abt school. stressed whenever I go his house during e weekends. Mum doesnt like it and I get even more stress when mum start caliing Jace, joey, fong etc. I really hate it but then I forgotten abt all these just becos I wanna acc him. I rather let mum nag and nag. My friends will know how my mum is. Damm strict and conservative. But, do u know?? To u, all Im clever in is telling u i wanna go and change my min at last min, but have u ever tried finding out e reason behind that? Have u ever try standing in my shoes?? I wish u could..

n regarding e issue of making new friends. Ya, im selfish. I get jealous if my bf talks to other girls but then I nv say I dont allow at all. I cant restrict him totally cos since I got contact some guys but i didnt stop him from doing so. Friends, regardless of gender r still impt. I did sms/msn with them but that doesnt mean im cheating behind ur back. I din even go out with them in a grp let alone trying to get close with them. Maybbe clubbing is abit too much for u but I dont see y must u stop me when im gng with a bunch of girls. Maybe u think i'll anyhow when im drunk. I dont blame u cos thats how I behave when u 1st saw me, but trust me abit more can..

workwise, timing always crash. Being in e hotel industry means unflexible working time. At times, I'll feel tired gng to ur house. I did asked u to come over instead. My mum hasnt seen u at all, maybe when she does, she'll be more open. Which mother wont be worried abt e guy her daughter is going out with? U're afraid that she ask this and that. Its gd that she will k, at least she cares.

I dont know.. im confused. A part of me really wanna let go cos this r/s seems to be heeding nowhere. So many quarrels within a short 2mths. Neither wants to give in. Im stubborn and he wont listern. Maybe we aint meant to be. Maybe we came at the wrong time.. maybe maybe maybe...

3.45am now. If u dont see me, pls dont hate me. Time is too short for me to think properly. I wann u to be happy rather than suffering and getting angry cos of me =) N if u dont ever see me again, just rem, Im true to you.. really.. cos I LOVE YOU

signing off
Yours Turly, Niko 3:16 AM ♥