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Sunday, April 9

Help me! My life is in a total mess now. I haven catch a wink since fri afternoon till now n I didnt eat much too.. I just didnt have e appetite n dun feel tired at all. IM indeed crazy man.

Sat afternoon met up with him, jason n jamie @ f.e. Initially, he suggested not meeting for e time being for fear tt I culdnt ctrl my feelings. I share e same sentiments too, but on e other hand.. I knw i wanted very much to c him as Im very sure tt once my attachment starts on mon.. i wuld have difficulty meeting him. when i saw him, e feeling is so weird. we din even greet each other, just like complete strangers. sigh.. is this how frens behave? funny thing is, my whole body was trembling.. acc Jamie to look at her stuffs @ taka n bought a choco fudge cake for her =) then proceed to marina south for steamboat.

even @ there, we din talked.. argh, forget it then.. I act as if i dun care too.. y shld i care right? when he doesnt even show any signs of concern or wad. happily eating his food n talking al e way. sadly, i dint had much cos really no appetite. think i ate like 4 pieces of honeydew, 1 chicken wing, 1 bowl of "shark-fins" soup n 2cups of drinks.. tts all i think. Pathetic isnt it? N i even vomitted after eating. sucks man..

aft tt, walked over to e sea-side. Jamie cut her cake there.. sigh.. tts where I cried a lil bit.. im so weak n i hate it.. stayed there for awhile n went off

wanted to go Mu first, but I changed my mind cos of smething(shall'nt mention here) so followed them to send Jamie hme first. On e bus, i sat beside him after much pondering.. but still i din open my mouth cos he seems so.. aiya, dunnoe how to say.. it really pains my heart alot.. but glad he initiated it by offering me e ear-piece to listern to songs. N this song came on.."n i swear.. " i was like omg. n when i turned to look at him, i swear i saw him cried. but I dunnoe for watever reason la.. maybe he's reminded of certain thing or ppl? like his ex? like tt time he cried for her.. well.. zzzz

aft jamie got hme, decide where to go next. this n that... n finally we ended up @ sky's pub located at central mall.. there's when I really broke down.. sigh.. I culdnt control it any further.. There's so much i wanna say to him.. so much of this n that.. but no point at all lah...

cried till e state tt i culdnt sit beside him anymore.There's one pt when they went to e gents n i saw tt he chose e song Shi xing bu gai..sigh n I cried again cos I went to learn it juts hoping tt i can acc him sing..I wanted so much to stay n sing with him.. but.. i can't.. Called fong up n went mu to look for them. Mu changed quite abit. E crowd is diff too.. pity tt i dint saw much ppl, but I saw Jesmond! My younger than me de korkor.. lol, been ages since I last saw him n he's still as cool as ever.. i think more shuai now.. he even keep reminding me to sms him when he's gng off.. yesh korkor, i will sms... but maybe not now.. no mood =(

aft mu, got abit weak.. fainting spells back again. I know for wad reason la.. n its rainging damm heavily.. I wanna thanks guowei alot for gng al e way in e big rain to 7-11 n buy a bottle of water for me. THANKS ALOT!

got better n we walked to e prata shop.. alot of us.. shared mee goreng with Jace. How i miss their goreng n e place. I saw Jes korkor there again! he forever smiling at me with tt stupig smile. slacked there till ard 7?? then took a cab with them to bugis. E guys n jace wanna play lan. Waited with them.. n i went hme after awhile.. at hme online now n i dun plan to slp today..

haiz.. talking to tsubasa on msn now. He's shocked at wad happened too cos he tot it will go well this time.. well, lotsa my fren n including me have so much confidence, but its all being destroyed now.

even when im typing now.. I still think of him.. like wad ching gf said, if only there's brainwashing.. I cant hope to forget him.. but pls grant me e will to carry on.. cos I got a feeling tt im breaking down real soon..
Yours Turly, Niko 9:15 AM ♥