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Tuesday, January 3

Slept damm long hrs today. Slept at around 5++am n woke up at 9pm. Power rite? but tts me. Had kfc's chicken n mashed potato for dinner n i went back to sleep again. what a pig. Im damm awake now at 3am, so came online n tried to blog here..

b4 this, i was reading ard with ppl's blog. Nothing much interest me until I came to yc's blog. He updated all e past few days entries n i didn't know y, my tears actually rolled down after reading all. I admire him for posting all his feelings in e blog. somehow, i can actually feel e pain n misery for him.. maybe i feel e same inside too bah.. but for me, i dun dare to write out here.. cos didnt wan ppl to know the real me. I wanted to be STRONG n be e PLAYER. But, who will care in e first place.. I hve very few frens, n among that few, i can say that NOT a single soul fully understand me =p

speaking of understanding me, i did really wanted to cry, cos im reminded of bebe-whom i considered as my one n only sista.. she practically can read my mind n e 2 of us really stick to each other. E only thing i regret was, not being 100% true to her.. There's always this phrase tt ppl like to quote which is "treasure ur loved ones b4 u lose em one day".. yup, i totally agree with it now cos im like "losing" her.. It's been such a long time since we last met. She's bz with her own stuffs n hardly had time for us now.. we dun even keep in contact thru sms.. i didnt know y.. that time, fong n jace had a chance to meet up with her.. i didnt turned up cos i was damm moody n pissed with SOMEONE. I wanted to apologized to bebe, but i did not.. sigh, tt time i did cried cos im missing her like shit.. even till now. suddenly felt a huge part of me gone.. no one to laugh with me, cry with me, chat with me, haf fun with me n e list goes on.. w/o her. i feel that im so lonely.. I rather have her than having my bf. Dun misunderstand, im not les.. but she's one of e 3girls in my 20yrs of life who truly can feel my heart. The first 2 is gone n i think im losing bebe too.. *cries* I wish to go back to e last time n if i could, i SWEAR i will be a better fren.. to be with her with whatever probs n to protect her. I would do that for sure.. For now, i only wish her a blissful life with her husband n e lil one whom is coming on e way*smiles*
To bebe, if u happened to be reading this.. Just wanna tell u that I miss u lots. I wanted so badly to see n u hug u. Muacks, love u

I seriously feel so lonely. I didnt have much friends.. i wanted to have more, but no one seems to care *sobz*

N my lovelife sucks. Im in a state of confusion now. I hate e pain.. i dunwan.. if only something/someone can make myheart goes numb now.. i really do wan to be numb.. numb to e cruel facts n feelings..

please let me be free
Yours Turly, Niko 3:03 AM ♥