& Hitt me hard on the face please ♥
Wednesday, December 29
Cant get to slp.. so came to write my blog.. hoping to pour all my xin shi here... Im feeling terrible now, cos something happened.. I make him angry again.. I guessed im spoiling things again. ... haiz ytd he was so sweet to me.. when off line still got "muackzz" but yet now i did something which he dun like...It all happened like this..Wake up early n meet bebe.. then watch a movie "Without the paddle" which was quite funny n we slack ard orchard.. supposed to go Chinablack with bebe n her friends but as she was feeling unwell, i send her hme first.. well actually i could simply just walk hm n nth will happen but my itchy hand called Alvin n went he told me was gng to Rush, i couldnt control myself n go with him..Met up with evelyn also.. n the rest of their friends..HalfwAY thru, i was feeling damm terrible cos alot of things was in my mind.. its like out of sudden someone knocked my mind n say "wake up la".. It was then tt i smsed him n asked me to bring me hme.. in the end.. i make him angry again.. haiz.. i then cried terribly.. i wanted to slapped myself.. y did i time n again.. dissapoint him.. y did i make him lose his trust n confidence in me.. who knows.. maybe he will no longer love me..
Is this wat i really want? y am i living my life upside dwn n making so many ppl dwn.. y can't i just go back to the plain n simple me.. no clubbing.. no late nites.. n study hard.. be a gd girl..I really wanted to.. I just wanna be a simple girl with my family support n be with him.. just so simple n study hard so tt i can fulfilled my dreams of a hotelier in the future..
I wanna change.. i really do.. Next oct, i will turn 20.. 20 yrs of life wasted like tt.. isit worth it not.. I told myself, its time to wake up.. Im no longer young.. I need to be responsible for the things i do..I need to work hard for my dreams..and i wanna prove to my family n him that i have grown up.. n be independent..One thing is, no one can forced me to change.. only i can help myself..
And 29/12/2004 is my last clubbing day.. I will no longer club..not even on new yr eve..Im sick of this kind of life.. I just wanna find the old me.. the simple n innocent koni that everyone used to love n know.. My new life begins offically on 2005.. wish me gd luck.. I will make it =)
p/s:: I hope a certain someone will really wait for me.. maybe chances r slim or not even there. but i will try.. no matter what.. I will bring him back again.. with my sincerity...I wun have much to offered, but i will keep my promise.. this time i really do mean it..But i guessed u r alrdy sick of it n wun wanna hear again
And sorry to my family.. esp my mum.. I know i keep making her worried n angry.. Mummy, i wanna u to love u.. i dunwan u to worry abt me anymore.. Im sorry im not a gd daughther..
Yours Turly, Niko 11:33 PM ♥
